oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
