My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
