I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
