Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is Oprah even human
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
