it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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