You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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