when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
