all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
