i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize