He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
