are you still at the devil's house?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
