I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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