My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
