Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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