break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
