I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
