I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
