just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
