I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
