i think my tv is drunk
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
