she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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