allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
