I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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