I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
