I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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