The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
