I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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