I'm going to jail i love you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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