You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The power of my boobs compel you
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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