He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
