I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
