It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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