Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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