You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
