Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
