Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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