I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
