Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
