You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
