I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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