Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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