yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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