Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
