WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize