1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
