yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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