At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He did a backflip because drugs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
