he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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