you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
