I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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