I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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