No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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