i barfeds in our rink
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
pop tarts are not kleenex
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
