honey bunches of taint.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
