she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize