Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
