So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
