i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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