No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
