I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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