I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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