and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
