I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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