I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
