I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
