Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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