the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
