Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
