I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize