I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
