i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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