What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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