Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
