Moan for me like Helen Keller
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize