I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
