I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Actions speak louder than pants.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Two words: blizzard sex
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
