Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
