it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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