I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you never un-have a 4some
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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