if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
