Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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