I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
