were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
