sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
