I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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