you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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