o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
