9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
