guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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