hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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