In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize