my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
