woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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