He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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