she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just found puke in my bra..
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
