Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize