plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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