my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
