Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize