Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
