I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
