The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
