Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Your cock deserves a montage
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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