why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
