I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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