Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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