people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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