atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
